6 tips to make love last Psychologist: Love does not equal possession
How to make love never fade? Whether youve been in love for a few months or years, people are always looking for answers to this question.
What causes people to want to leave a relationship, and what motivates them to want to stay together? There can be not only joy between people, but also discord and friction; Once youve been together for a long time, its natural to feel disappointed in your partner. What actions do you need to take to stay in love with your partner and even deepen your relationship after the disappointment? Randi Gunther, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor with 40 years of counseling experience, put it this way:
Those who feel the most at ease in their relationships tend to be the most successful romantic partners. Not only do they keep their love intact, but they also watch each other grow in the relationship over time.
xyz-ihs snippet=”1″Passion and attraction, one day will fade; But the intimacy of the familiar can trickle down. Being able to bring your partner maximum comfort and ease in a relationship is the key to maintaining and nurturing intimacy. To do this, we must do the following six secrets:
1. Continue to respect each other
Psychologist Randi Gunther defines respect as never doing something if you know its likely to hurt your partner. Ken Page, a psychotherapist in New York, agrees that respect is often more important than love in a relationship. It is the foundation of self-worth and mutual trust, which is fundamental to all successful relationships.
2. Accept their flaws
People rarely criticize their partners in the early stages of love. But as the relationship matures, we unconsciously become more sensitive and more blaming to our partners faults and shortcomings. According to Randi Gunther, mockery, contempt and prejudice destroy all love. Successful couples embrace each others imperfections without judging and trying to mold each other into an ideal lover.
3.Compatible with each other’s differences
Randi Gunther believes that most people always seek harmony in their relationships, hoping that the other person has similar views, the same pace of life, and the same vision of the future.
But successful couples dont try to convince their partners. They respect and tolerate each others differences, and when their partners have new ideas and behaviors, even if they are different from their own values, they will encourage each other and find new ways to coexist.
4. Remember why you fell in love in the first place
When the timeline of an intimate relationship is extended and the pressures of life are all around us, its easy to forget why we fell in love with our partner in the first place, asking ourselves every day: How did we get together in the first place?
But successful couples often take to heart the reason why they love each other in the first place. Maybe they share a yearning for family life, or maybe theres something about each other that stands out more than anyone else. They reminisce about past vows, things theyve done together, places theyve been, savor the good memories, and discuss their hopes for the future of the relationship. No matter what kind of crisis the relationship is facing, they are committed to keeping their love alive, rather than letting doubt and anxiety kill each others intimacy.
5. Believe in your partners intrinsic worth
Successful romantic couples share almost one thing: they believe in each others good personalities. Arguments and conflicts do not affect their confidence in the human worth of their partner, and even if their partner acts in an offensive or disappointing manner, they still believe that their partner is a good and worthy of love.
6. Love is not equivalent to possession and domination
Randi Gunther said:
In all quality relationships, the principle of non-ownership is present. In 40 years of practice, I have never seen a couple who espoused this principle lose their love.
Successful couples dont see themselves as owners of their partner, nor do they use jealousy and insecurity to control their partner. Accusations, emotional blackmail, threats, etc., may achieve their goals in the short term, but in the long run, they also plant a time bomb in the relationship.
In contrast, non-proprietary love creates long-lasting trust and support, and partners are free to express their deepest desires. Although they love each other, they are not each others appendages, nor are they each others trackers.